Charlie always says I have a tendency of only remembering the good parts of the past. I tend to agree, but I also tend to think most people do. It’s survival of the fittest and those who remember the bad, live miserably and have a higher rate of offing themselves from the gene pool.
In that case, I want to write this to remind myself of a difficult time. Now. Where Charlie is miles away and 5 hours ahead in time and I’m working the worst job I ever have in my life (It might just be the worst because it is my now and I don’t remember the bad). In any case, all visa processes are on halt and so is travel. I’m in an amber alert lockdown situation and Charlie’s people have bred a new strain of the virus like the animals they are. Things are pretty grim but there’s a light. Which is why i’m writing this before I move on and forget.
I start work just as Charlie finishes. This has been going on for about 2 weeks. It feels like it’s been months. I can call him during work when it’s slow, only to be interrupted about every 10 minutes. It’s tough, at best we see and talk to each other for an hour or two, at worst, it’s less than an hour. This is not normal for us. It may be normal for others, but in that case, I don’t want to be normal.
If normal is working a dead end job for 5 years to earn a few extra dollars for every hour of my time sold, my time that I could be laughing with those I love then I don’t want to be normal. Charlie has sacrificed his sleep to stay up talking to me until 4 AM. He crashed after 2 weeks of this and it broke my heart. 2 weeks of not really being able to talk and then not talking to him for a whole day, I felt lost.
The way things are, I’m starting to feel like we’re starting to drifting apart.
I don’t know if it’s the schedule, the distance, the lack of hope. But I’m quitting my job before I start a new one because I very much feel like a rift is forming and I need to bridge it before it get’s to any sizeable size, before Charlie starts to feel it. Maybe he does already.
I look forward to the 2 weeks, the month, potentially the months before I start my new job just to revolve around his schedule. This is my light at the end of the tunnel. His artificially projected face on my phone, because he makes me happy.
