It’s 6am GMT and I have not been to sleep yet I have been writing in the blog, listening to folk music, thinking about our dream house and remembering why I love you through writing our story as we fell in love. It is not that I need help remembering but you brought up the blog today and I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to intrude on your family time and I knew you would worry about me not sleeping. If that’s not the case let me know and I’ll bug you whenever, I just worry about being selfish with your time and I know how much your family needs you because we all rely on you. I just know you can do more them in person now and we have forever together, this is just a blip in time and I can get through this.
I read your blog post from 4 days ago “Remembering the Bad, Learning the Good”, and it is in this moment that I will be forever grateful we started this little things because it brings tears to my eyes hearing you talk about how you feel about our situation, that you see me not sleeping as a sacrifice for you. In truth, it’s the opposite I would fall apart without talking to you, even just seeing your face brings me comfort. Being able to read it adds potency to the words and that maybe I take you knowing that you’re my home for granted. I think this is why I loved Coventry so much because it was the first home I had been in since leaving mine.
It’s not that I don’t agree that our situation is dire, the world is devouring itself, we are casualties of the war on population, and seeing how frustrated with your job is crushing because I can’t be there to comfort you, hold you and be there through your anguish. It is painful to read that you feel that we are drifting because you are my light in this world and you have been for as long as I have known you.
I know that time has been short over the past 2 weeks and it does feel more like 2 months I will not disagree with you on that but I wouldn’t trade any time with you. Whether it be as lights on a screen or with you in my arms, for any other time doing anything. I know that I haven’t been taking the best care of myself but that is not because of the situation or you. It is because of you that I take any care of myself at all.
In short I know that it is difficult right now for both of us but I’d always take knowing that I love you, knowing I have found my soulmate, knowing that I will always have a home with you over not knowing and if that has brought sadness to my life it pales in comparison to level level of joy that you have brought. Hearing you laugh and sing, seeing you smile and grimace, feeling you get frustrated and excited are all moments that I will cherish forever even if it is over the interwebs right now because it was all with you. My Love.
